Mob Rule is an offer you can’t refuse

Ay Toni? Check dis kid out. Eh-eh-eh-eh. The little squirt says he wants ta be a mobsta. Eh-eh-eh-eh. So ya’s think bein’ in the mob is a slice of pie do ya’s? Well ya got it all wrong kid. Mobbin’ ain’t easy. Dere’s rules to da game kid. Rules to da game. Ya gotta have connections. Ya gotta have charisma, style, and class along with nerves of steel. Ya gotta be tough as nails. Don’t take no crap from anybodies!

Eye for an eye. Someone steps on your toes? You step on dere’s back! There ain’t no room for softies in dis world of organized crime ain’t that right Toni? Yeah see, kid ya’s gotta have smarts too. Ya gotta know what buttons to push to make things happen. Otherwise bad things start ta happen. Like gettin yourself locked up in the slammer. Or you buddy locked up. Grant it, he might not be any big loss but still dere’s repercussions to these things kid. In the mob we take care of each other. Like one big family here kid. Ain’t that right Toni? Yeaah, and when yas don’t do your job or cross the family ya’s askin for trouble. That’s a quick way to find yourself at the bottom of a river with a hole in your head and cinder blocks chained to your feet. Ya catch my drift kid? *light slaps on the cheeks* Goooood , good, good.

Hey look, tell ya’s what? Ya’s wanna be a mobsta right? Well let’s face it, you aint got what it takes to survive in the REAL mobsta’s world, but i got dis great new PC game made by Studio 3. Its a ringer kid. Keeps ya on your toes. It’s called Mob Rules.

I play it in my spare time so i don’t lose my edge. Why don’t ya set down and test yas potential. Dis games got it all kid. Every thing you want ta know bout bein in the mob. And the best part is, if yas screw up, ya gets to live and tell about it kid. Eh-eh-eh-eh. Enjoy it kid, cause thats as close as you’ll ever get to bein in the mob. Eh-eh-eh-eeeeh.

Construction and head smarts along with a healthy dose of kidnapping, arson, prostiution, and murder are the keys to success in this game. You start out as a small time street thug whose managed to find his way into some of the lime light of the crime world. You’ve been asked to take care of some business in the nobody’s town of Hicksville under the careful eye of the Godfather.

But if you prove you got what it takes to turn the place into something profitable you get to move on to higher heights and bigger goals. Don’t ask questions. Just do what your told and life will be real good for you. Otherwise your bound to bunk in the big house or meet an quick untimely death at the hands of the Godfather.

Using the power of your influence over workers, tenants, fixers, and gangsters as well as the lower peasant trash of the city, you’ve gotta turn the sorry town of Hicksville into a successful and profitable independent underground empire of organized crime. Thats easier said than done.

Use your workers as your foundation for establishing a base of operations. They make resources, construct buildings and produce gadgets for your growing empire. You can also get them to do a lot of the dirty work like removing corpses, placing burning barrels to mark territory, and even have them engage in combat using nail guns.

You can trade your workers in for tenants who can occupy your estates and make their top priorities making money for you or breeding you next generations of workers and tenants. From time to time they like to complain about various issues, but when you are tired of them just take em out of the city limits and put a bullet in their heads. That takes care of that.

Fixers or your handymen perform day to day maintenence on your properties making sure everything runs smoothly. Other abilities also include taking over a rival family’s establishment and moving bombs.

Gangsters are not only the pride and joy of the mob world but also the right hand enforcers of the upper mobility. They’ll handle all the rough stuff. They start out with knives but as their experience grows you can buy them more advanced weapons like pistols and guns. They’ll make all the assaults on other gangs’ property as well as beat up and kidnap any unfortunate wanders around the city and take them to your flourishing establishments where they wake up and begin spending money.

As I said before your going to need the help of the lower level peasantry of the city as well. You can attract saboteurs, hookers, crooked priests and psychotics in the buildings you construct. Once you nab them you can use them to do small not-so-innocent favors like starting fires, kidnapping, scarring innocents and distracting policemen.

Smart construction ultimately makes the difference in this game. You start off with only being able to build soup kitchens, drinking dens, and cement and gadget factories. As your finances and resources become more available you’ll be able to upgrade building structures and turn over larger success ratios and profit margins. Being aware of the capabilities and making proper use of each facility will eventually pave you a road to success.

Well, that’s the ropes of Mob Rules in a nutshell. Though the depth of the game is pretty complex, once you get a feel of everyday operations you can begin to manipulate society into your own twisted idea of organized crime. I recommend this game to any mentally challenged gamer with a twisted definition of the word justice. I give this game 4 out of 5 GiN Gems, and if anyone has a problem with that, they can talk to my associates Vinny, Tito, and of course Tony.

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