Diary Of A Cubite

[[Note: The following pages were forcibly ripped from the diary of senior writer Jevon Jenkins.]]

It’s Friday afternoon on Nov 16th at 3:30 p.m. It’s cube time.

Payday…well…more importantly though, my wife’s payday. For myself, getting paid every two weeks sucks and isn’t it just my luck that this launch happens to fall on a week I don’t get paid? Never the less, I always have a plan B. Now I’ve been putting a little money back for the Cube for some time now, but recently I’ve had to dig into the console piggy bank for…entertainment expenses. So as one might logically guess I must perform some serious sweet talking on the Mrs. to acquire the necessary funds to purchase my game system. This shouldn’t be too big a problem.

After all, being the natural Casanova that I am, it won’t be long before my manly charms seduce her into giving me that much needed extra cube money.

Piece o’ cake. Piece o’ cake I say….

It’s Friday evening on Nov 16th at 7:30 p.m. No cube yet.

Ok, so it’s four hours later…Uhmm…Well I got the extra added funds for my Gamecube just as I had foretold I would. Of course, there were certain stipulations that had to be met. Stipulations such as a thorough back rub before bed every night for a week, taking out the trash on a more active basis, taking her to the nail salon to get her nails done when I get paid, taking her out to go see the new Harry Potter movie(bleh!), and last but not least…..*lowers head*…she made me get down on my knees and admit that I am no Casanova….Needless to say, this will go down as one of the more humiliating entries in my diary….more to come..

It’s Saturday evening on Nov. 17th at 8:35 p.m. Cube days are here again.

The phone rings. It’s my sister-in-law…joy. Actually she had some interesting information to share with me about the launch. She said that participating Wal-mart stores are going to be releasing their systems at 12:01 midnight on the day of launch and they are rumored to have 48 consoles for sale! "Blasphemy!" I replied back to her. "You mean you’re trying to tell me that Walmart has the jump on everyone this year? That just doesn’t sound right. Keep in mind that the lady, in the electronics department, you got your information from probably knows more about sewing than she does about games, let alone a launch!" …. *click* …. "Hello? … Hello? … Hello?!" …. Figures. That’s an in-law for ya.

Nonetheless, though her ways are dark, my sister-in-law is never one to misinterpret juicy gossip. If this is true, then I must get dressed and pursue the validity of this matter. Not only for the glory and honor of myself, but for all of my fellow cube-a-holics who had already put their moneys down on a reserved console. It was our destinies to be the first ones to acquire Nintendo’s infamous cube. Not theirs!! Not some…wild band of Walmart vigilantes!! It just can’t be! It just can’t be!

It’s Sunday morning on November 18th.

The time is 9:15 am. Approximately 9 hours, 15 minutes, and 47 seconds precisely, since the GameCube was released around midnight at the Walmart Super Center…. Much to my distaste, my sister-in-laws findings were true. Thirty-six "cubites" sat sprawled out over the floor in front of the department for over three hours to guarantee they’d bring home Big N’s little game box. Fortunately I, being the highly intelligent being that I am, had reserved my Gamecube at the local Software Etc. way back in January shortly after the "PS2 chronicles."

I feared the worst. Visions of another shortage of next-generation game systems danced in my head with hundreds of unscrupulous perching e-bay merchants, and many sleepless nights. No, no my fellow gamesters. I was not going to relive another PS2 nightmare parked outside the local mall all night in my "chitty-chitty-bang-bang" of a car that did not have a lick of sufficient heating! I was not gonna get involved in any foot races to the front doors of the local gaming store with any immature adolescents again! NO! NOT ME! HA! I did not have to bear the AGONY of waiting in line with these last minute SLACKERS.

And yet…still I stayed. For you see, I could not wait until 10 a.m the following morning for the doors of my local Software Etc. to open up knowing that THESE VERY SLACKERS would be playing their little indigo blue and jet black boxes before me, a dedicated gaming enthusiast who had taken the time to carefully and meticulously reserve his system so that he could assure himself that he could sleep in on the day of launch!

None the less, I am happy to say that I have acquired my little jet black box, brought it safely back to my humble abode, secured it upon my gaming mantle and made my very first observation for this system: that INDEED…it is tiny…I’m sure that I will be able to continue with a more thorough investigation of this system in the coming days, but for now I really must get some—zzzzzZZZzzzzZZZZzzzz….

It’s Monday morning on November 19th.

The investigations continue. I have now spent over 24 hours with my GameCube. It appears to still be intact this morning. I am experiencing this feeling of warmth and gratitude inside as I gaze upon this cute, little, sleek, precious, tiny, winy, cuddly, wuddly–…urhm…scratch that from the record. Needless to say it is good to have finally made the next generation jump into modern day time with Big N’s system. Being a long time follower of Nintendo I can’t but do anything to fight back the tears of joy. My little cubee has finally come home….anyway…

It’s Monday morning on November 19th.

It is time! Let the games begin! We can wait no longer! Let’s see if Big N’s all talk or full of air. We will start with the first test subject.

Well…at this point the only test subject: Star Wars: Rogue Leader. I am currently peeling off the wrapping to this most anticipated launch title. My fingers are shaking with excitement as I anxiously peel away the annoyingly stubborn plastic seal and open the jewel case to reveal…what?!? You MUST be kidding me. And I thought the cube itself was tiny. The CD is not that much bigger than a quarter dollar. What a waste of space to put this little CD in such a huge case. What were they thinking?

Which brings me to my next question. How much information can possibly be stored on a disk of such small size? Hmmm. We’ll have the answer in just a moment"I carefully reach for the Cube’s shiny, tiny "open" button and press it down…Much to my surprise…it opens. As the lid rises I can almost hear that familiar voice in the back of my head, "Hey! It’s-A-Me! Mario!" Yes. Those words still make me all giddy inside, even to this day. Something I would never share with the public of course. Good thing I keep all my innermost thoughts safely locked away here in my private diary. If this kind of thing got out I would be ruined for sure…

The moment of truth. I gently layeth down the dwarf-like CD into the game cubicle. I close the lid slowly and ever so carefully reach for the "power" button placed cleverly in the back of the gaming machine. Probably so that little brother or sister can’t come in the room and devilishly undo 12 hours of gameplay because you won’t allow them to take over the controls….Of course, then why would they put that "reset" button up front where the "power" button would normally go? Wouldn’t that be defeating the purpose? Hmm. There goes that theory. Alas the orange hued light illuminates on the console. The screen goes black briefly. I hold my breath in a moment of silence…I can hardly breathe! (Probably because I’m still holding my breath). There it is!

What a clever boot up sequence! I’m taken to a system set up screen that creatively uses a digitized cube to help me update the system memory by putting in the correct date and time. I must admit I’m impressed. So far so good. I finish updating the system memory and hit the game load file. I immediately sense that the "force" is strong with this title. Woooooaah!!! Suddenly 100s of storm troopers are simultaneously dancing to a waltz in some type of formation which I can’t make out quite yet….Oh, yes now I see! They’re forming the Lucas Arts trademark. Tight! But wait….OOOOoooOOoooh. They’re all suddenly blown to Smitherines as Luke Skywalker comes blasting through the Lucas Arts emblem in his mighty X-Wing! A massive explosion ensues!

The sound is so crisp and clear! The graphics are unbelievable! Who would have ever thought that there was this much power in such a little box?!! The GameCube is alive! It’s alive! IT’S ALIVE!

It’s Tuesday November 20th. Not sure of the exact time.

Feeling my life slowly regressing back to normal, I decided to leave the Cube home alone for the first time and venture back out to the local game stores and see what more accessories and launch titles I could pick up.

While I was there I found out that the GameCube is 100 percent portable!

Joy! It seems that one can purchase a 5 and 1/4 inch game screen that sits right on top of your console! Then to make the Cube completely portable you have to purchase a lithium battery which plugs into the console and is good for up to 9 hours of gameplay! Future trips to E3 in L.A will be that much more grand!

By the day my excitement and respect grows for Nintendo’s small wonder. What other surprises and tidbits of info lie around the corner? Only time will tell. In the meantime, I’ve gotta get back home to my cube. I’ve never left it alone for this long before….more later.

Share this GiN Article on your favorite social media network: