I don't know about you dear play chums, but I'm thoroughly bored by the next gen console war already. Or the next gen console bore, as I like to call it.
It was all very exciting for a while there. The pre-E3 expose of 360 on MTV. Then there was E3 where Xbox announced one teraflop and Sony announced 2.1 teraflops. Reports from the show suggested that 360 was all mouth and no trousers and Sony sailed off scot-free on its own hot air.
The gaming world was ready to see someone give Sony a real run for its money, but when Xbox didn't appear to deliver anything more than hyperbole, the backlash came thick and fast.
Then we all returned from E3, with downloads galore. Lists of titles are being announced every day. "We've got Dead or Alive!" says Microsoft. "We've got Metal Gear 4!" says Sony. "I'll take your MGS4 and raise you Perfect Dark Zero," says Microsoft. "Be my guest," says Sony. "Well we've got Mario, so in your face!" says Nintendo.
And so it goes on.
But as time goes by we realise, that it's not just the number of teraflops that counts, but what you do with it. After all, Xbox 360 has the benefit of being a Microsoft machine. If anyone knows the right chips, processors and bits and bobs to put in a plastic box, it's the guys at Microsoft. I just can't believe they'd leave themselves open to being hideously underpowered compared to the Sony machine.
Maybe I'm right, or maybe it's just wishful thinking. Regardless of what I think, Sony is blowing public raspberries at Microsoft. Microsoft has a dedicated team of people thinking up derisive comebacks. And Nintendo has a whoopee cushion for every chair in every Microsoft and Sony office worldwide.
Microsoft's machine looks better than Sony's, but Nintendo's looks better than either of them. Meanwhile, Sony has inexplicably decided to change the design of the best games controller the world has ever known. Why, oh, why, oh, why? Let's just take a moment out to wonder"WHY?
Nintendo is revealing nothing other than it's about the games, not power. In other words, no third parties are going to produce for it and all the games will look a bit yesteryear at best. No change there then.
However, Ninty are getting to grips with this strange new-fangled thing called the World Wide Web. And"online gaming. They're finally dipping a tentative toe into the ocean that is multi-player online action.
Every day there are new reports and we are treated to mud-slinging disguised as press releases. Sony's demos weren't real time and the console won't actually perform like that. Microsoft's going to sell a billion consoles. Now, it's three million. And Sony claims that PS3 won't look like the E3 footage, it'll exceed that.
The 360 will have 20 games at launch. PS3's going to cost less than $300. 360 hits back at Sony launch with Halo 3. Sony's split its processing power, so"blah, blah, blah and blah.
For God's sake, just stop!
All this, whining and bitching – jeez. Why don't we just do this the easy way? A wrestling ring, some jelly and a crowd whipped up into a sugar-fuelled frenzy. Get them in spandex I say and let them fight it out like the tubby wenches they are.
While they're fighting it out for the best snide comment, I only have one question on my mind.
Which region 360 do I buy? Do I get a US machine or a PAL machine?
Now, each has its pros and cons.
The trouble with living over here in old Blighty, at the risk of sounding like a xenophobe, is Europe. In Europe they insist on speaking in these different languages. It's something to do with national and cultural identity or some such bullcrap. Anyway, this poses a localisation issue for publishers. Consequently, sometimes we have to wait ages for games, or worse don't even get them because they can't be arsed.
Harvest Moon is finally coming out in Europe. Yeah, that one we played like two years ago. It was a bit touch and go whether we'd get it at all for a while. Ditto Animal Crossing.
So buying a US machine would mean I'd get all the quirky Jap titles and I'd get games at the earlier release date. However, it also means that I'd have to order my games from overseas, which means they may take ages to ship anyway. And then there's the issue of selling my games on. I'd get much less for a US game, than I would PAL games.
And finally, there's the fact that a lot of Xbox games have started being region free. For instance, Fable would play on PAL or NTSC machines and so would several other games. Now, if this became the norm, all my troubles would be over. Buy a US machine and buy games from any region. But I can't be sure the 360 will have the same region-free joy, so maybe it shouldn't enter into my decision.
Then of course there's the chance that if I order a US machine it'll take ages to ship and I won't get my 360 on day one. And that would be very, very bad.
Ee gads! I'm back to square one. I guess I have a few more months of agonising over this most important of decisions. It's gonna be tough, but I think I can make it.
Most wanted: Killer 7
Most played: City of Heroes